Thursday, January 21, 2010
1.21.10 - stupid or selfish?
So my son, who is not quite 4 yet has been diagnosed with autism.....as a mom of only one child I was not sure what to expect. I didn't know that his tantrums were worse than other children, I didn't know that kids were supposed to communicate more clearly at his age. All in all, I am totally in love with my son. He is very very smart. I think after first grade I will no longer be able to help him with his math homework! But that said, we had a melt down in the tub tonight......no idea what was different or wrong about tonight. I am now drinking red wine. Daddy is not home tonight so he has not had the pleasure of our screaming child. I feel like crying, but feel like a hypocrite if I do because we are so "lucky" compared to some.............let me know if you hear me.....let me know if I am just being stupid and selfish.....let me know if you have had these days where you just want to tune out the yelling and drink wine and go to bed.......not all days are like this and I don't want to be a negative nancy, but I just need some r & r....
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By the way....one more "funny" thing for 2009- which is why I am so happy to move on.....maybe it would be nice not to have to worry about my husband and my child at the same time.....husband has some weird "goings on" that seem similar to parkinsons, but doctor's can't figure anything out sooooooo........ok....well we will worry about the immediate right now I guess
ReplyDeleteYou are neither, Sarah. Neither. You are a mother in a totally unexpected situation. You are experiencing fear, failure (even though it's not a failure), nervousness and anxiety all at the same time! That is wearing on a person! You are a STRONG woman with so much love for your son and that love runs deeper than anything. You and Shane are great parents to Cole. And while he's been diagnosed as autistic, he's still your Cole. The Cole that God wanted him to be. Prayer is a wonderful thing Sarah! Can't wait to see you next week! I will be an outlet for you to get out anything you want! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Sarah. :) I can't wait to see you either! And thanks most of all for being a willing participant on this crazy new journey my family is embarking on. It means alot.
ReplyDeleteSarah: I know what you and Shane are feeling right now. The fear of the unknown future can consume you. So, from someone who's been there, I can 100% tell you, take everyday for what it is. Deal with each problem as they are presented to you. You can't try to cross bridges that you haven't come to yet. The time and energy you waste on worrying about things that may not even happen, is time and energy that could be spent enjoying the little pleasures of the day. Always remember that God blessed you with this particular child and this particular challenge because he knew that you would face them though the love and commitment that you have to Cole and each other. Your stronger than you think and when you think you've reached your witts end, an angel will show up, in the form of a friend, family or complete stranger that will guide you through this journey. You never have to face anything in life alone, unless you choose to. You have a remarkable network of friends and family that will be right there for you whenever you call. Cole is a blessing to us all and his struggles are our struggles. Just as you and Shane have always been there for us...we are there for you, whatever you need. I can't do wine, but I'll bring the Jack!
ReplyDeleteThanks Rhonda! That means alot to me (us)....Cole is very special and usually he is a riot.....but then there are days that I just want to give up.........but that's when I have to think of all the good people in our lives... :) God must have known we were up to the challenge or he wouldn't challenge us.
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